I love the sound my sneakers make as they rhythmically slap the pavement or the rubber on a treadmill. I count them out in fours and concentrate on breathing in and out on every second step. 1, 2, 3, 4 in out in out. It's my own personal brand of meditation. I am no good at traditional meditation because I don't like the idea of sitting still in any one place for too long. I am too restless for that; I like to move. This reminds me of some of my favorite lyrics:
Traveling I only stop at exits/ Wondering if I'll stay young and restless/ Living this way I stress less / I want to pull away when the dream dies / pain sets in and I don't cry / I only feel gravity and I wonder why
Concentrating on my breathing and my running helps me focus my thoughts. It's like all my thoughts are floating in my mind like loose pieces of paper in the wind and when I run I get to organize all of them into neat little piles. It's also the best stress relief I have found yet. I've tried drinking, smoking, sleeping, eating and nothing makes me feel more at ease than being able to RUN. The endorphins kick in and I feel like I am flying. There is also power in running. I like knowing that I could easily outrun most of my friends. I like knowing I have that ability and that it's a physical activity that I am actually good at. I am not blessed with perfect balance. I am not blessed with hand eye co-ordination. I cannot catch a frisbee. Or throw one for that matter. But I can run a mile without breaking a sweat. I can run for 2 miles and not have to slow down to a walk to catch my breath. And it feels so good. Today I was on the treadmill and I paced myself against the girl running next to me. We set ours at the same pace and I was determined to stay running for at least as long as she did, if not longer. At some unspoken signal we both slowed ours to a walk at the same time. We looked over at each other and our eyes met- "good run" they said. This type of unspoken comraderie is so rare for me that I apprecaited it, even if it only lasted a moment and was with a perfect stranger.
I am dedicating tomorrow to a different physical activity: flying down the mountain on my snowboard. Snowboarding is one of the few sports that I picked up all by myself. It's something that I enjoy and am actually decent at and have dedicated lots of time, money, and energy into. I got my board freshly waxed and am ready to test it out. The last powder day was amazing but also a little frustrating because my board was slow on the flat parts since I haven't had my board waxed in over a season. Now it's so smooth and... perfect! The mountian is my turkey and I'm going to carve that bitch up!
I think I'll still go running at night with "BB." I've become a junkie.